Bionic Rubber Foot

It's been awhile since I posted so without further fanfare, I present to you the story of The Bionic Rubber Foot.  Complete with pictures.

It was a sultry day in August.. the first of my two days off.  I agreed to accompany my good friend and her 3 small children to a lake for some swimming.  Know this, I'm not much of a swimmer and murky lakes make my head spin.  However it sounded like a good idea at the time.

We had to park a ways off, as the parks and rec don't let you drive right down by the body of water.  For some reason they don't want you to be able to escape quickly.  This particular body of water was more like a swamp, and I was not impressed.  Come time to have bathroom issues, and whoa....nowhere to go.  Either get in the water or go behind a tree.  When tree's are only 12 inches in diameter and your ass is at least 24 inches in diameter, well you do the math.

Getting in the water was another thing entirely.  There was a steep embankment to slide down, or you could jump in.  She convinced me to jump.. I got a running start and for those of you who know me, I don't run.  It was more like a "waddling" start.  I propelled myself off the edge, but not far enough.  Mid flight, the right foot crooked back and struck the side of the bank.  I hit the water... and I knew something was very wrong.  I held my foot up out of the water... it was gushing blood and split wide open on the inside.


She freaked out.. calling for help.. managed to get someone in the water to try and rescue me.  I'm not a swimmer, and with my foot half hanging off it was even worse.

I was placed on a floating device and drug up the bank by a young man.  I was loaded into the back of a pick up truck and driven out of there to meet up with an ambulance.  There was no phone service out there and someone had driven ahead to call them.  My poor friend was loading up kids and dogs... gathering our stuff... One man held my head and another held my foot.. they were both named Jeff.  That is all I know.  We rendezvoused with the ambulance and the rest of the trip was spent with them trying to get an IV into my arm.  They wanted to cut my clothes off and I told them not to.  We arrived at the hospital, the next thing I remember was having an ER doctor in my face.  He informed me I would be sent to Spokane to a bigger hospital as my injuries were too severer for them to handle and he was fearing I would lose my foot.

Calls were placed, morphine was administered, an ambulance picked me up and hauled me up North.  I spent 2 weeks in the hospital, on copious amounts of antibiotics to prevent infection in the bone from the dirty water, 3 surgeries later and that was that.  I left with my foot still attached.. albeit unable to walk on it.

This picture is the repair on the inside where the foot exploded.  Bones flew out and all of the cartilage in my ankle.

This is the outside of the foot where the 3rd surgery was performed to insert hardware and repair the bones.

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Hence my bionic rubber foot, which will never be the same.  I shall forever be stricken with arthritis in my ankle and walk with a limp.  Some men find that attractive, I just don't know who they are :)

Living among the Natives

We have some very interesting folks in our apartment complex. Because of how the windows are set, I don't see much of them but this I know. Next door we have the disabled guy in the power chair. If you look at him accidentally he'll tell you to "go fuck yourself", plus he enjoys karaoke night at the local bar. When he gets out of hand and his mother calls the cops on him he tries to attack them from his chair.

Then we have the woman who dresses like a muslim in a long skirt and a scarf, but is probably not one, so I call her a "fake Muslim". I'm not PC. The neighbor upstairs never leaves without a fancy hat on, and does her exercise at 10pm. Skinny people who exercise daily need to be shoveled in the head.

Next to hat lady we have "Pat". We call her that because we are not sure of the gender.  She walks every where with an old lady wire basket on wheels, and calls the cops on any and every peep we make. She enjoys calling in "noise complaints".  No one cares but her.

Let us not forget the manager, she has a pear shaped body and wears extra large tops. It appears as if she is floating about on top of skinny little legs, instead of merely walking. The maintenance man loves us, ever since my roommate gave him a case of beer for fixing our broken toilet. I argued, "it's his damn job", but the roommate did not listen. Now we are stuck with this guy insisting on getting right on top of issues here.

Recently I was sitting on my couch and glanced out the patio door. I witnessed two boys about 10 years old. One was pee'ing on the bush by our fence, the other was behind the bush dropping a deuce. We don't live in Mexico mind you.

 Lee, from down the way purchased The Walters used remote controlled Hummer at our last yard sale. He was deprived of oxygen at birth, so is a bit slow in the head. He named the Hummer Sara, and paid only 10 dollars for her. He can be seen on a good day running her ragged in the parking lot.

Living in an apartment complex has its perks.

I will take the pen

You all have probably noticed that when you go to certain establishments they tape stuff to their pens in an effort to prevent people from walking off with them. I'm not sure, but having a plastic spoon taped to the pen is not going to deter me. In fact it will encourage me because hey....bonus!!! Pen and a spoon!!! You never know when you might need a spoon.

Those ten cent pens are pretty hard to come by. I would advise them to try a different tactic.

Anyway, if you don't want people walking off with your pens, why not step it up a notch? Lets get serious here. Hook that sucker to a 50 gallon drum of gas. Or at the very least a boat anchor, and use a chain and not some gay piece of string.

People in this world need to band together and fight petty theft. The stealing of pens needs to come to an end, it is affecting the economy in a very negative way. Obama has declared that nationwide, he will be fighting the war against mini mart pen theft. And if you happen to get caught on video, he has promised to serve you a lesson.